The Three Laws of Bellatron

Not Bellatron's favourite book

You may have heard of Issac Asimov's Three laws of Robotics. They are the guiding principles in which Asimov insisted that robots should have programmed into themselves as operating protocols to ensure they conduct themselves appropriately.

Asimov's Robot Laws are:
  • A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
  • A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  • A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Have you ever seen the Robocop film?

 These laws guided his operating procedure. Until he deliberately fried his circuitry so he could go after the bad guys with extreme prejudice.

You may also have heard the Bible story of when Jesus came along and rewrote the 10 Commandments by saying that we must all 'love one another'. Just as enlightened as Jesus was, Asimov further refined his laws of robotics and paraphrased what Jesus had to say into a fourth robotic law:
  •  A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.
Luckily for Belltron she was brought into being on Cybertron a gajillion years before Asimov was able to articulate his Laws for robots so she is not bound by them. Neither are Decepticons like Megatron for that matter...

A few years back Bellatron was doing some community service by reading the Dune saga novels to enlightened children in a local school, in the city of London when the teacher noted the children had been studying robots and the advancement of a science and wondered if Bellatron had a view on Asimov's Law. 

Bellatron smiled, lit an illegally imported Cuban cigar, put on her safety glasses, slugged back a pint of gin and a gallon of homebrew and wrote her response to the laws on the class blackboard (hers in bold):




  • A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Unless they are a punk ass b'arch.



  • A robot must obey any orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Get the hell off my lawn, b'arch. I'm my own robot. Pass me some more gin!




  • A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. I'm gonna rip anyone who touches my sweet sexy ass a brand new one.



  • A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm. I'm gonna show Megatron where he can shove his plans to take over the Earth!


  • Bellatron, it is almost needless to say, was not asked back by the school to share any more of her wisdom.

    Dear Bellatron

    grimlock generation one
    The loveable Grimmy

    Dear Bellatron

    Can you tell me about the Petro-rabbits? Kup won't share and it makes Grimlock MAD!

    Do you cook them on a propane gas burner? What is the BTU on it?

    Love always,

    Grimmy

    A Day in the Life

    A day in the life of Bellatron and her robot friends

    Bellatron often receives many questions from her millions of fans about her daily routine from what make up she wears, her diet and what her exercise regime is. Given it's International Robot Health Week, Bellatron has decide to share some of her tricks of the trade that help keep her so trim and war ready.

    Here's a typical day in the life of Bellatron:

    6am

    6000 press ups
    3 ab crunches
    Bench press the car outside in the street, 700 times
    Series of stretches

    6.05 am

    Breakfast of OJ, bowl of oats, 80 energon cubes, some road kill and a popsicle to get rid of the after taste.

    7am to 12pm

    Beat down on deceptacreeps like Soundwave, Ravage, Megatron, Astrotrain and the odd Predacons.

    12 to 2pm 

    Read Vogue Magazine, drink a bottle of Vodka, get some sun.

    2pm - 5pm

    It's a bit of a blur apparently

    5pm

    Prepare for cocktail hour, straighten hair, apply Max Factor, put on a pretty dress.

    6pm

    Typical Evening: Call from Ratchet to let Bellatron know the Deceptacreeps have launched a counter attack down in the Valley, plans ruined, counter offensive launched. Autobots vs Decepticons: Chaos Ensues. Read up about the themes regarding the installation of AI robots called Hal 9000 on a space ship. 

    A love supreme?

    Bellatron's Lover?
    Rumours have long been whispered that the beautiful Bellatron and Optimus Prime have been secretly seeing each other off and on for a very long time. The tabloids frequently suggest the happy couple meet in secret locations across the universe every once and a while to fuel their lusty cyber romance.

    An 'insider' quoted by Robot Monthly Magazine has suggested that Bellaton desperately loves Optimus Prime because he is "a heroic, brave and compassionate character who puts all his immense talents to good work, supporting human causes and defending the galaxy from the Decepticon horde"

    Don't you just love how magazines always manage to find and insider or close friend who wished to be anonymous to offer up a quote?

    We put the question to Prime's PR agent, Gerry Hackman, who told us over the telephone that Prime officially had no comment and that unofficially we could go stick our head up a Constructicon's buttock. Which we thought was a tad rude.

    Speculation about Optimus aside, Bellatron has also been linked to a string of other robot romances, including alleged dalliances with Ultra Magnus, Rodimus Prime and Omega Supreme. Megatron has officially denied he is in love with Bellatron but the rumours remain.

    She also apparently had a brief fling with actor Matt Damon.

    Is Bellatron Really Arcee's Cousin?

    Can you see the resemblance to Bellatron?
    Is Bellatron Really Arcee's Cousin?

    Bellatron sure is Arcee's cousin. Arcee is one of the original female Autobots that came to Earth to guard against Decepticon attacks. She has been praised by many for her fearless approach to battle and her ability to select the best lawn mower for small yards.

    Arcee would often write intergalactic emails to Bellatron and would share her stories of the great battles she fought and how pretty the Earth was and how loving it's people were.

    The moment Bellatron was able to free herself from imprisonment* on Alpha Massarati, she caught the next Astro Train to Earth. Originally she flatted with Arcee but soon moved to her own mansion in the Beverly Hills area.

    One of the most infamous stories about Arcee and Bellatron involves a cattle prod, a bottle of vodka, the Decepticon Soundwave and an F-14 Tomcat but the American President ordered that story to be classified as Top Secret and so we can't share it with you.

    We can share with you that both their favourite colour is Pink.

    This is Bellatron!

    Bellatron
    Making her blog debut, Bellatron presents herself! You may be asking yourself, how did I get here and who is Bellatron?

     Why is she so pretty?

    Is she single?

    Bellatron is a warrior robot from the stars who finds the planet Earth an irresistible playground. When she's not wearing pretty frocks to the Oscars she can often be found on the battlefield tearing apart evil Decepticon scum.

    Or playing squash.

    Bellatron loves to play squash and learn about Darth Maul's conversations with Emperor Palpatine.

    For more info on Bellatron, check out her Kills, Spills and Thrills page.